Editing: Cut, Cut, and Cut

As I am heavy into the editing mode, I thought I’d share some things I’ve learned about editing.

I wrote both of my self-published novels prior to 2011. Frustrated at not being able to find a publisher or agent, one day I Googled “self publishing” and found Smashwords. Mark Coker’s marketing guide sent me to Twitter, and Twitter led me to several web sites that’ve helped my writing considerably. I reference them at the end of my post.

One of the most important things a writer can do is learn to recognize and remove extra words. Your book will flow better because the reader won’t need to plow through superfluous verbage.

Here are some examples:

1. “Always”. Run a search on your manuscript for “always”, then delete the first one you find and see if it changes the meaning of the sentence. It rarely will. Example:

Grant always got his coffee at a local shop, avoiding the national chain because he thought they charged far too much.

I’ll go a little further than removing one word, I’ll remove four:

Grant got his coffee at a local shop, avoiding the national chain he thought charged too much.

Removing the four words didn’t change the meaning of the sentence, and you’ve tightened your text up.

You could also say avoiding the national chain that charged too much or avoiding the expensive national chain, but it would take Grant’s opinion out of the equation.

2. Directional use of “up” and “down”; i.e., “stand up” and “sit down”.

Grant stood up and punched Manny in the nose.

Bensen sat down in one of Grant’s guest chairs.

It’s presumed that when you stand, you stand up. Standing down is done only in the military.

Grant stood and punched Manny in the nose.

Bensen sat in one of Grant’s guest chairs.

I’ll break this rule on occasion with a sentence like,

Grant stood and gave Amber a kiss, then sat back down.

To my ears Grant stood and gave Amber a kiss, then sat sounds abrupt.

Also,

Grant drove up to Redding in the Ferrari, making the trip in just over three hours.

Redding is north of Modesto, where Grant works and lives. North is “up.”

Grant took the Ferrari to Redding, making the trip in just over three hours.

“Just” is one of those words that can usually be cut as well, but to do so in this sentence, to retain the original meaning, I would have to make the sentence longer. I’m hesitant to do that.

3. “That” is one of the most overused words in fiction. Run a search and see if you can eliminate each instance.

Amber thought that the suspect was lying to her.

Amber thought the suspect was lying to her.

4. ”Very” is another overused word. Give it the ax, if you can.

Bensen was very worried that Grant was losing it.

Bensen was worried Grant was losing it.

A bonus: I got rid of very and that.

5. “There” is weak and often unnecessary.

Hanks knocked on the door, but there was no one home.

Hanks knocked on the door, but no one was home. Or, but no one answered.

6. Any word ending in “ly” can usually be chopped. Be ruthless with this! Few things are worse than a story full of adjectives. They are a crutch for poor writing. I hate them so much I can’t bring myself to write out some examples.

If you’re interested in improving, by tightening up, your writing, check out these sites:

Tameri Guide For Writers: Usage Guide A–M

Tameri Guide for Writers: Usage Guide N–Z

Overused Words in Novel Writing

On-Screen Vs. Hard-Copy Editing

Let me preface this post by stating the obvious: everyone is different. My method for editing manuscripts works for me, but may not work for you. However, if you’re a new writer you may be looking for ideas. Play around with the information a bit if you like, then keep what works and discard the rest.

How old are you? If you’re thirty-five or younger you probably learned how to type on a computer. I learned how to type on a manual typewriter, likely a leftover from WWII. I’m sure it weighed at least sixty pounds.  I bought my first computer when I was twenty-eight for $1,200 (I think—that was a long time ago). It had a 20 megabyte hard drive. That’s megabyte, not gigabyte. The first version of Windows I had came on a floppy disc.

If you learned how to type on a computer, it’s likely you’re far more used to editing on a computer screen than I am. I’ve learned to work on a screen over the years, but it’s not how I started out.

I know writers who write their first draft longhand, then send the pages to someone who types them up for them. John Grisham used to write his manuscripts longhand. Being an attorney, I’m sure he was used to that medium. Stephen King wrote Carrie on a typewriter. Both writers produced hard copies of their draft immediately.

I don’t produce a hard copy until I reasonably sure I’m close to my final two or three edits. I’ll typically go through my manuscript three, four, or five times before I print it out. Why? It’s far easier to make changes on the screen.

My first draft is generally too long as I let the words flow without restraint. I’m not a plotter, meaning I don’t have everything figured out before I start writing. I begin with a premise, start writing and see when my characters and the story takes me. There’s no way I would want to edit my first draft from a hard copy.

When I’m finally satisfied my manuscript is almost done, I print it out in eleven-point Courier. Ten is too small for my aging eyes and twelve, the standard, is too big and wastes paper. If I have scratch paper around, I print my drafts on the back of that. I freely admit I’m a penny-pincher.

I find more errors when I edit on paper than on-screen. I can’t explain why, but I catch wording problems I didn’t see the first four times I went through the manuscript, see more typos and improper word usage (“you’re” instead of “your”), and discover inconsistencies I should have caught before.

Hopefully, by the time I’m editing on paper I don’t have whole paragraphs to change. Typically, all I have to do is change or delete a few words on each page. Occasionally I delete whole paragraphs when I can’t get them to work.

Which brings up another issue. Ever have sentences or paragraphs that you just can’t get to make sense, or always end up sounding wrong after several edits? I’ve learned it’s usually best to delete them. Try this next time it happens to you: delete the difficult passage and reread that part of your manuscript. Most of the time you won’t notice anything has been taken away.

I like editing on paper more than on-screen because I can do it anywhere, and I can use my favorite pen (I have many favorite pens). I can use a fine-tipped fountain pen or a roller ball pen, or a felt pen if I wish. And I can edit at my desk at work, or in a café, or a bookstore, or any other comfortable spot I choose. I’m not tethered to the computer.

My final proof is printed in twelve-point Times New Roman, not Courier. It’s more economical on the page and my readers will be reading my work in a proportionally-spaced typeface, not a mono-spaced typeface.

When I’m finished, the manuscript goes out for others to read. Usually family members who don’t mind telling me when something doesn’t work.

Good luck with your writing and editing!

WIP Sample: My favorite mayor, again

I'm editing the final chapter of the novel I'm working on, the second Grant Starr thriller. I've stated several times in posts that my favorite character is Mayor Mateus Dutra, "Manny".

Grant thinks Manny is dirty, which he is, and suspects he killed a female member of the city council he'd once had an affair with, for reasons unknown. Probably having something to do with the pot deal Manny is trying to push through the city council. Grant collected some of Manny's DNA and his fingerprints the night before, from some bar glasses, and is waiting for the lab to process the evidence. He's sure Manny's DNA will match skin found under the victim's fingernails.

Manny's in a pinch. He doesn't know he's being investigated for murder, he just thinks Grant's on him about taking a bribe, which he hasn't yet done. He's got $300,000 coming Wednesday night, from the pot company, for his part in getting the city council to sign on. But the cops have been all over him... All he's gotta do is make it to Wednesday.

The final chapter takes place on a Monday. Manny has negotiated a little advance on his bribe, which he expects to collect at the bullfight that night. But then Grant is in his face again...

Grant pulled his truck into a parking slot in front of Dutra Insurance Services and shut off the motor. They could see the mayor through the floor-to-ceiling window, and the mayor made a face at them, and said something to his secretary. She glanced out the window at the detectives piling out of the truck, grabbed her purse and exited the front door, holding it open for the detectives.

"What can I do for the cops today?" Mayor Dutra said, trying on his mayor face.

They had decided, in the truck on the way, they wouldn't divulge they were investigating him for the murder of Marina Terra.

Grant said, "I'm glad you didn't leave town, Mayor."

"I ain't got a reason to leave town, and I gotta be at the bullfight tonight anyway. I told you everyone calls me Manny."

"I don't care what everyone calls you, I'm calling you Mayor Dutra."

This brought a glare from the mayor, which he quickly tried to turn into a smile. He and Grant stared at each other until Bensen said, "What time you closing the office today?"

"Why do you wanna know? I don't gotta tell the cops when I'm closin' up."

"In case we need to talk to you again."

The mayor turned his head to face Bensen and said, "Maybe three, maybe four."

"You goin' home after that?" Bensen said.

"I told you I gotta go to the bullfight tonight. I gotta march in the openin' ceremonies."

Grant shifted gears. "Have you spoken to anyone from Allied Valley Growers today?"

The mayor turned back to Grant, his face a dark red. "You know how you kiss a Portagee's ass? The same way you kiss that bitches ass" -- he pointed at Amber -- "you kiss it, but you don't gotta give it no tongue."

Grant popped out of his chair, reached a long arm across the desk and grabbed the mayor's collar and yanked it, lowered his face to the mayor's and said, "You motherfucker..." He made a fist with his free hand and cocked his arm.

Caught off guard, the mayor fell forward onto the desk, grunting and cursing in Portuguese. Bensen and Amber jumped up and grabbed Grant's cocked arm, and Bensen said, "Whoa there Ali. Let's cool this down a tad."

Grant shouted into Dutra's face: "I'm gonna kick your ass, you hear me!"

The mayor, struggling to regain his balance, said, "I'm gonna sue your ass! I told you I ain't gonna talk to you no more without my attorney and now I'm gonna sue your ass!"

Grant shoved Dutra back into his chair, which did not hold his weight and tumbled backward, spilling him onto the floor. Grant shook off Bensen and Amber and pushed his way to Dutra, kicked him in the ribs and bent down and growled, "You pissed off the wrong cop, and you know what? Before this day is done it'll be my pleasure to lock your fat ass up. If I don't kill you first."

Dutra flailed his arms, trying to right himself, looking like a turtle caught on his back, and he shouted, "I'll have your badge and everything you got! I'm gonna--"

"Stuff it," Grant said. "It'll be your word against three cops, and everyone in town knows you're a crook."

"He took a swing at you," Bensen said. "We can haul him in for assaulting a police officer." He moved to stand on the other side of Dutra.

"You fuckers!" Dutra yelled. But he quit thrashing.

"We should haul your ass in," Grant said, "make a spectacle of it. But I'm gonna wait until we got enough on you so they never let you out."

Dutra stared up into Grant's face and said, "You wouldn't be so tough without that badge and gun."

Grant pulled his shield and gun out and set them on Dutra's desk. "You wanna try right now fat man?"

Their eyes remained locked for ten seconds, then Dutra said, "Get outta my office."

Grant said, "We'll be seeing you soon," picked up his things and the detectives filed out of the mayor's office.

Sweating and shaking with fury, Manny rolled out of his chair and used the desk to pull himself up. The blue Ford was backing away from his office, but he could see the tall cop looking back at him. He gave the cop the bird, and the cop made a gun with his index finger and thumb and fired it at Manny.

"Goddamn you!" Manny yelled.

He lurched to the water cooler, drank three cups and doused his face. He knew a guy who could get him a gun on short notice. In fact, he knew a couple of guys. He didn't think the cops had anything on him, he hadn't taken any money yet, but if they did, he'd take that cop down with him. He'd shoot him if the face if it was the last thing he'd do.

 The section still needs a little polishing, but I like it.

Book Review: "Van Raighan's Last Stand" by R.J. Davnall

This review is for episodes one through four of R.J. Davnall’s “The Second Realm” stories, which are contained in the volume titled “Van Raighan’s Last Stand.” It can be found here on Amazon U.S. and here on Amazon U.K.

It’s been many years since I’ve read a fantasy book, but I’ve been trying to expand the genres I read. I ran across Davnall’s blog, enjoyed his writing there, and decided to give his stories a read.

The story is set some seventy years after the “RealmCrash,” where, presumably, the First and Second Realms somehow collided, causing the death of most of Earth’s inhabitants (if indeed the book takes place on Earth). Pre-RealmCrash cities are in ruins but a form of government still exists. Story conflict takes place between inhabitants of each Realm, with those of the Second Realm being more powerful than those of the First.

Davnall plops the reader right down into the story, without a prelude, which I had mixed feelings about at first. It was difficult to follow the plot at times because I didn’t know what terms like “Gift Giver” and “Clearseeing” meant until I’d read most of the first story. Later I decided it was the right thing to do as it allows the plot to flow naturally. You’re fed the back story a little at a time instead of all at once, which shows restraint by the author and good story-telling ability.

The scenes where the Clearseeing is done are fantastic. You’re really taken into the mind of the Clearseer, Rel, and are led to feel what he’s feeling and see what he’s seeing. I really enjoyed the final, forth story; very exciting.

There’s a bit too much text spent inside Rel’s head for my liking, what he’s thinking and feeling, but I’m an action kind of reader: I want something to happen! And he’s a bit too temperamental for me, too, prone to emotional outbursts and pouting.

All-in-all, a superb fantasy story! The ending is a cliffhanger, making me look forward to the next installment. Highly recommended.

Kind Review for THE MIGHTY T

I received a nice review for THE MIGHTY T last week.As I've written before, I appreciate honest reviews from readers I don't know. Actually, I appreciate honest reviews period.

I think both of my novels are good entertainment. I hold no delusions I'll ever win a Pulitzer for them, but I think I give my readers more than their money's worth.

Here's the review in it's entirety:

Okay, I admit it. I actually had a dream about this thriller. The Mighty T by Everett Powers is a well-plotted and written indie book. His characters--stars, average Joes, and dumb asses--are real and given their appropriate due. The dialogue is tight. And Powers keeps upping the ante on the level to which an eco-terrorist will go to get what he wants. While I found the ensemble cast a bit difficult to keep straight at the start, the story and characters straighten out quick enough once Detective Grant Starr starts dominating the page. The story is analogous to a real investigation. It starts with a measure of confusion that ultimately gets clarity. The villain is thought-provokingly delusional and bad to the bone. The secondary villain is a bit more difficult to fathom, but that's okay. She's a throw-back hottie with an edge.

One thing that bugs me about thrillers is the amount of mayhem authors often give away before it's necessary. This story gave some away, but not enough to ruin what happens next or at the end. The last 140 pages flew by - that's great, because I stayed up to two a.m. to finish reading it. I love when that happens. The dénouement, however, dragged a bit. The story was over; the adrenalin rush dissipated; close it out. Some may find the technical information too much to absorb, but I liked it. The environment/economic message was evenly played.

There is a lot to like here, and I'm tempted to read Powers' next book, Canals. Despite some minor flaws, this is a great read for a thriller lover and a really good read for the rest of us. But how did it end up on my Kindle? It's a borderline baby, but any book that makes me dream about it before I'm finished with it gets extra points. The minor flaws keep it from being a total knockout, but it still slides under the wire into the "5" camp of books that deliver and deserve to be read. Well done. Read it.

The reviewers criticisms are fair and not new to me. His/her (Rick? Carrie?) rating of 5 stars is more than generous.

I'd like to ask a favor. Would you please visit my THE MIGHTY T page on Amazon and "like" this review? "Like" any others you, er, like, as well. Thanks.

Here's the link.